There's so much I could talk about that I don't even know where to begin.
First--I am almost 37 weeks pregnant. I have been completely blessed with an EASY and enjoyable pregnancy so far. I had a few bouts of sciatic nerve pain which got relief when I started to actually REST a bit more. I do have moments of insomnia...especially LATELY. I am so close to having my baby that I find myself thinking way too much about what would happen if I went into labor naturally on my own, instead of the c section I have scheduled. That's a whole other story. I decided I have nothing to prove to myself and that it would be better to SCHEDULE a repeat c - section to make it easier on the people who will be supporting me and caring for Nik. The uncertainty of trying for VBAC was starting to really stress me out. I found peace with that decision for awhile. However, I am getting so close...even having the braxton hicks contractions that I know I didn't really feel with Nik.
Second--It's been almost 4 weeks without Bill. We are in a good routine. I speak openly to Nik about my emotions and of course, ask him how he feels about everything. He says he misses Daddy, but feels like we are doing fine. I agree. This is my third time around...I was just in these shoes 3.5-4.5 years ago. I know my role, what works, and what I need. This time around, I actually FEEL like I have a bigger village than ever full of people who are making HUGE efforts to help me. I am so grateful. Multiple people have said they will leave their phone on at night in case I need help in the middle of the night with going into labor. Others have offered to go to the store for me, which I have declined at this point because I am ABLE to shop myself or use the instacart. A few others have brought over meals which is by far the BEST for me. I hate cooking lunch for myself (Nik eats school lunch)...AND I am still wondering how I will get by when Baby is born and I am exclusively breastfeeding (EBF). Bill made every single meal of mine so I could focus on EBF and pumping. SOOO time consuming!! I have also been very honest...that I am OK right now...but check in on me again in February, because that is new territory for me. I do know that I will be craving companionship more than ever..
Third--I am surrounding myself with people who show they support me. I am limiting interactions with anyone who shows signs of insecurity/projecting it onto me, or people who seem NOSY.. They're paying attention to everything I do, yet they don't even interact with me. I want REAL connections/supporters. I am also done with BEGGING people to be in my life or Nik's life. That's a HUGE change for me. I feel freer and more at peace by cutting certain people off and no longer acting DESPERATE.
Fourth--I have been reflecting so much lately about friendship, family, life changes, projection, my self development. I found myself saying to my best friend recently, "I feel like I'm starting to grow up." And she agreed with me. LOL
Fifth--I don't recall the last time I updated you on my Mom which was the whole purpose of this blog in the first place. She gets her scans every 3 months. There is no change--which is GOOD news. The cancer is still present within her, but it has shrunk considerably. I was so worried when she caught Covid right after Thanksgiving. Luckily, she was boosted all 3x..and her oncologist had her off her medication immediately and gave her something else to nourish her system. She had an easy time with it. I also found a sense of relief that she got it "out of the way" just in time to help with the birth of my child! I was so worried I would be without any help.
I am thinking about writing more over here instead of FB.