As you know, our beagle was diagnosed with a Urinary Tract Tumor back in early February. For many months she would pee and there would be a tiny drop of blood at the very end of her stream. She was happy. She had a normal appetite and drank plenty of water. She was still excited about the food that we ate, her treats, and the guests we had over. I kept wondering to myself when her time would come when we would make the decision to put her to sleep.
There was no real change in her behavior until September. She suddenly stopped wanting her own dry food, but was happy when I gave her the wet food mixed in instead. Treats were ALL that she wanted. She would bark bark bark at me for more more more. She also began begging to go outside only to urinate her normal stream as I previously mentioned on the deck. I made a note of these changes knowing that we MIGHT be near the end, although it wasn't clear. She still seemed happy.
I didn't know on Thursday September 29 when I woke up that this would be the day. I had the BEST night's sleep, almost 9 hours with minimal insomnia. I was very groggy upon waking. The first thing I did was check my phone, usually to see my sleep score (89) and then to check if I had any client cancellations. My first appointment at 9am canceled. I sent my message then headed downstairs. I hadn't even put in my contacts yet so everything was a little fuzzy except for this BIG spot of redness by the side door. I bent down low and figured it was indeed her urine, completely bloody.
I quickly cleaned it up. Then went to the living room to see if Nik had seen it. Nope, he was on the couch watching TV next to Bella so I could get a good night's sleep for my pregnancy. "I am a bit worried about her...I don't think she is feeling good. She may be in pain.." I said calmly knowing what's to come.. I gave Bill a look when he came up from the basement finishing a workout.
As I brought Nik to the bus stop, I made sure he would hug Bella on his way out the door, just like we had been doing in the recent months, because you just never know...So he did and happily went out of the house while shouting a goodbye to our cat upstairs.
When I got back from the bus stop around 9am, I felt grateful that once again, here I was in a situation of "hard times" and a client just happened to cancel. I bawled my eyes out to Bill saying we need to bring her in. I asked if he could make a few phone calls to explain the situation because I was hysterical. He was told by a few places that they couldn't see her today, that we should try again tomorrow. Eventually, I pulled myself together and trained 3 people back to back without getting overly close to the screen. I'm sure my eyes were puffy but I would be able to hide it on screen.
When my last session finished around 1pm, I headed downstairs and sat with her. I called my mom to ask who they used when they put their dog to sleep 1-2 years ago. I pulled myself together, made a call and was told they would be able to perform a euthanasia if we came before 5pm. I wasn't ready...so I said we would be in on Friday.
I spent the next 40 minutes sitting with her on the couch just like we always did. I also made a quick lunch and of course, she followed me to sit down on the mat as I made it...I told her to "come up" as I bent my knees, tapped my thighs and she jumped up onto me like she always does..She was so happy. and I was too. I rubbed her head and back as we did "our thing" for the last time. Usually it was our morning greet as she would stretch out with her paws on my thighs..This time it was just...special. I felt like it rejuvenated her.
I ate my lunch on the love seat of the playroom as she rested against me. When I finished, we sat calmly together..I was soaking in every moment when suddenly I heard a "tap, tap, tap, tap". It was a wood pecker tapping away literally right behind my head. I got up to see if I could see it, but couldn't as it must have been at the corner of the room. I could feel like there was something significant in that moment of the wood pecker which I never saw..I finally LOOKED at my girl..really looked at her..Then I noticed a blood clot on the playroom rug. There were a few droplets of blood on the floor.. I sat with her, talked with her, and she started trembling. "You're in pain, baby girl...aren't you?....I will help you...I will bring you peace." I said.
To be continued...