I can recall so many of my school days full of anxiety.
My morning would start with little to no appetite. My nerves were sky high.
I severely struggled in the school setting. I feared being called upon. I was afraid I would embarrass myself. I didn't want to do anything in front of others. I found it hard to talk to people. I didn't really fit in with anyone whatsoever. I was too ashamed to ask for help. I wanted to hide in the corner of the class. I avoided eye contact and pretended to be busy writing just so the teacher wouldn't call on me. I felt like I was the only person with this "issue". Looking back--I had no strategies to help cope with or manage this. I felt like this was just who I was so I should accept it. (Later on, I realize that you can improve yourself!!)
School wasn't all that bad though! I enjoyed learning (and haven't stopped!). I had decent grades! I preferred college over high school.
Entering my senior year in college, I FINALLY stopped procrastinating, technically because there wasn't much time left, and took the required class called Communications 101-Intro to Speech. I remember seeing it as a freshman thinking I would 100% have to delay that class as long as I could so I could avoid that anxiety until the very end. As a business major, I find it interesting how of any topic I could give a speech about, I chose Childhood Obesity. Just another sign that I should have started many years ago!
When it would come time to give any presentation, I would think about it for weeks. My stomach would get sooooo upset. I feared making mistakes. The night of my little 2 minute presentation, I would be up almost the whole night...and would fall asleep about an hour before having to get up. I also wondered how the heck I would be able to talk that long. Would taking extra time to switch slides help me get to the 2 mins? How much of a difference would talking slowly make? I would study other people to see if they seemed as nervous as I was to make myself realize I was not the only one who felt like this. I gave all my presentations in high school and college with no passion, enthusiasm or personality. I was afraid to let others see my emotions.
I write this to explain how far I've come. Most of my followers have met me within the last 5-10 years so they don't quite know how different I used to be..I have spent about 10-15 years working on self development by reading books, understanding moments in my life and practicing methods to improve myself. It has been completely life changing. If you haven't done any kind of work, I highly suggest you do!
Back in school, I found it impossible and dread worthy to give a speech. I lost sleep over the thought of it as mentioned above!
Today, I find myself losing sleep because all I want to do is give speeches on what I am passionate about: Healthy Living. Finding your own happiness.
I am so serious about this. Up until the last week, I always got a sleep score on my fitbit of 85-92 with many nights over 8 hours. I have been waking up at 2am with all these ideas and topics I would love to talk about. (That's why I look soooooo exhausted lately.)
This is just another sign that I need to put my message out there..That's what I plan to do!